My Weekend!

What a week! The weather and roads have been bad and work's been a bitch! No real plans for the next two days...kinda broke,but that's par for the course lately.

I received a new didgital camera for my five years of service to the company recently and haven't really looked at it yet. Maybe I'll cruse around the area and check it out today. It sure is alot smaller than my Sony that I've been using for almost seven years now. We'll See if it's as good or not.

READ THE INSTRUCTION MANUAL CLIFF!!! :(

These are thie things I see on myway to and from work everyday here in Central Oregon.

Here aresome of mybiggest fans as long as I have some apples and carrots!

What a motley crew and hungry too!

Middle and South Sister.

South Sister.

Broken Top and South Sister.


These were taken last night on the way home from work around 4:30 pst

Why I Post Revisited

Here is something I posted here four years ago. Now that I'm posting on a regual basis again I thought I'd put it up for the new readers I'm starting to get as well as a reminder to myself how I felt back then and how some of those feelings are still alive.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Why I Post

The following is an excerpt from an e-mail I wrote to a dear friend this morning. I’m posting it (heavily edited} to give anyone who reads this blog a real insight into who I am and what I’m feeling at the moment. That’s why I started this blog. I don’t post these things for sympathy, or to point a finger, or cry in my beer, I post for me. I also post for whomever might be feeling what I am feeling…good or bad so they may know that they are not alone…we are not alone. I also post for hope. Hope that as I type, venting and searching for answers and solutions, others may benefit in some way even if it’s just a laugh.

Cliff

Hey!
Sorry to hear that my blog worries you...it's the only real outlet I have. Sometimes it's all that keeps me goin.You yourself are very wise. Your advice to me has always been right on, but I guess I don't know, or have forgotten how to look within myself. My move out here ended up being a dependency on someone else. That wasn't the plan, but that's how it worked out. I don't want to admit it was a mistake, and I haven't yet, but sometimes I don't know. If I look back on the last year as a whole...I haven't been happy. There was always something wrong ......I don't know...that has always made me sad. I love my job and I've met some very cool people out here, but I don't feel and never really have felt like ME since I arrived...... ....there were some bad things said in the beginning...that's when it all started. That's when I lost some of my valuable assets(my pride,my arrogance lol, my self-esteem). I found myself doing some shitty things to some very nice people...for the first time in my life I couldn't say that I am a nice guy...one of the good guys, and that makes me feel REAL bad on the inside.I try really hard to get back on track,but it all seems so hopeless sometimes. Even in the darkest times of my life I've never felt like this...so alone...afraid to do anything so here I am just stagnating,writing on a stupid blog and hoping one day I'll wake up and I'll be back in "Kansas"...one day I'll wake up and I'll be loved and respected again....one day I'll wake up and be happy...

posted by Cliffhanger Jones at 6:20 AM

Back to Work

Back to work after a much needed four days off. Had a pretty good time as you could see from the last post or two. It took me six hours to move that wood up the hill to the back porch and stack it, but it's done.

To tell ya the truth it was kinda nice to get back to work. Being off is great, but this time of year with the days so short it gets boring kinda fast (also the more I'm home the higher the chance of arguments and such if ya know what I mean).

A Dose of Reality

I was just up at the local Shell station to pick up beer and smokes. Now there is a girl that works there probably been there at least a year or more and I know here since I get up there almost daily (drink alot of beer, smoke too much, and buy alot of gas whatever....not importnat). Anyway, this girl is all of 21 tops, but very attractive and friendly( in another time and space and a galexy far, far away...yehaw! look out!).

When I checked out with her tonight I asked her if she went out and had fun last night. she replied "Oh yeah we went out and had a great time! How 'bout you?"
"Naw" I replied. and before I could add anything she said "Did you stay up and watch the ball drop?"
"Naw"
"Yeah I tried to get my grandmother to stay up but she couldn't either."
Ya gotta love it!

2010!

Yes there really are still wild animals close by!

Happy New Year!

I started the new year off by taking a short hike and doing some thinking. I thought about the past year as most of us do. I took a look back at some of the not so pleasant things that have happened to me, not just in 2009, but 2008 as well. Most on my mind was cancer and how it hurt and how it changed the quality of my life and how I learned to cope with those changes. I thought back to when I was thrilled to make the twenty minute drive to work without having to stop more than once to pee. Then I remembered how when the pain started to go away how I wished I could get an errection again. Then when that happened I couldn't wait to get off all my medicine. When that happened I couldn't wait for the doctors to say I was not just in remission but cancer free. And that brings me to now. Cancer free after eighteen months.

All this remembering and reliving this morning made me realize that for eighteen months I was looking ahead in only small bites afraid to look too far because I wasn't sure I'd be here much longer. I also realized that it had become a habbit, this short-sightedness, and I no longer want that mind set. I want the old pre cancer Cliff back. The guy who was always optimistic almost daring in his attitude about the future. I not only want to life again...I want to dream again.