2010!

Yes there really are still wild animals close by!

Happy New Year!

I started the new year off by taking a short hike and doing some thinking. I thought about the past year as most of us do. I took a look back at some of the not so pleasant things that have happened to me, not just in 2009, but 2008 as well. Most on my mind was cancer and how it hurt and how it changed the quality of my life and how I learned to cope with those changes. I thought back to when I was thrilled to make the twenty minute drive to work without having to stop more than once to pee. Then I remembered how when the pain started to go away how I wished I could get an errection again. Then when that happened I couldn't wait to get off all my medicine. When that happened I couldn't wait for the doctors to say I was not just in remission but cancer free. And that brings me to now. Cancer free after eighteen months.

All this remembering and reliving this morning made me realize that for eighteen months I was looking ahead in only small bites afraid to look too far because I wasn't sure I'd be here much longer. I also realized that it had become a habbit, this short-sightedness, and I no longer want that mind set. I want the old pre cancer Cliff back. The guy who was always optimistic almost daring in his attitude about the future. I not only want to life again...I want to dream again.