Stress Test Today

Like I need anymore stress!
I’m beginning to believe my malady is more mental than physical. It’s all stress and trauma (drama).
I need a vacation or something…maybe time all alone even though I complain I’m alone a lot. Just need rest or time to think or something.
Fly away…fly away…
Went to sleep very early last night…in the bed this time but alone…woke up at three am with this huge anxiety thing happening. Everything just seemed to come out of the dark at me…every worry, every “what if this happens (doesn’t happen) thought raced through my mind. This sudden feeling of being totally desperate covered me like a blanket…and I was hot. Not warm, but burnin' up. I floundered to the basement steps to cool off and have a smoke. I began to calm down, and then upon my return to bed I had these chills! I was freezing! That of course took my mind of the total state of despair and I somehow feel asleep.
Exciting life hey?
Christmas is coming, site inspection is coming, so much to do yet. The staff party is tomorrow night…I’m looking forward to that cause we haven’t been out of the house socially in a long time (the disadvantages of living with a” home-body”(party-pooper).
Wish I could find a job where I could just write like this all day…no problem…whatever.
OK that’s enough for now. I’m starting to make no sense…