The Adventure Is Stalled

I woke up at one this morning in the throws of an anxiety attack just like the ones I was having during the sale of my house. I just lay there asking myself the same old questions: what am I doing with my life? Why am I not Happy? Am I really as fucked up as I feel right now? Where has the sense of adventure gone?

the adventure has stalled I guess. Just like my life was stalled when Kathy died. It's become a grind again only this time I face the grind pretty much on my own. I've reach a time in my life where I can pretty much do what I want, but the problem is : WHAT DO I WANT?

I fell trapped because of some kind of loyalty. I feel afraid to move on...to take a chance again. I've lost my nerve and I'm not sure how to get it back.